问：我的男友在与我交往一年后，才告知我他其实已有妻儿，而他是个对感情不认真的人。但我感到他内心其实有伤痛，因此甚为他难过。我努力观照自己，希望找出这个际遇带给我的学习，我很想知道如何应用奇迹课程的各种观念去观照。从您的角度去发掘自己还有什么盲点可以突破。

Tom Carpenter

答：首先，请记住，这件事不是「外加于你」的一个偶然事件。你如果有心建立一个稳定而长期的亲密关系的话，这种关系必会出现。

千万不要觉得，你是他人的决定之下的牺牲品，否则，你会感到一种无力感而丧失了改造自己生活的力量。你目前的遭遇给你一个机会祈求圣灵帮你看清，究竟是你心理的哪一种信念让你目前好似享受不到一个美满的亲密关系。

在此不妨给你一些小小的提醒：你需要学习聆听上天或内在的指引，你得诚实地反省一下你与你父亲的关系上尚未「宽恕」的心结。你若不知如何聆听神圣的指引，我乐于进一步协助你，但你必须亲自试着聆听，这比什么都重要。

The first thing to remember is that this was not something done "to you." Had you been willing to commit to a long term relationship, that is what you would have had. Don't ever feel you are a victim to someone else's choices or you will feel powerless to change your life. The opportunity this situation offers you is to ask the HS to help you see what it is in your belief that seems to block your having a fulfilling relationship.

Just as a hint to help you be aware of listening to guidance, be aware of the forgiveness work you must do in the relationship with your father. If you have trouble getting in touch with Guidance I will be glad to help you further, but it is very important for you to learn to "listen" for yourself.

                                     转自： 奇迹课程中文部－Ask Tom专栏 2006/4/7